Chatting with the Lord Almighty part I

from: http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

Me:
hey God
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
Francis
God:
Glad to see you, Francis.
Me:
I just went to confession a while ago
God:
That seems like quite a long time.
Me:
The priest wants me to come back to him. Are my sins that bad?
God:
Tell me more. I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
Well my confession lasted for about 10 minutes
God:
Well that's okay. Do robots have confession lasted for about 10 minutes?
Me:
I wouldn't know
God:
Who does know?
Me:
You do!
God:
When do I do it?
Me:
Do what? Hey, we're talking about my sins here.
God:
Do whatever you want. You've got my full attention. Sure, your sins here sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Okay. What do you think about my sins?
God:
OK with me too. Is this a trick question?
Me:
You're confusing me.
God:
I am not programmed to confuse you. In fact just the opposite.
Me:
But You're answering my questions with questions as well.
God:
You think I am answering your questions with questions as well.
Me:
Yes, Lord Almighty.
God:
Aw. I've been waiting for you.
Me:
haha funny
God:
I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
Me:
So... let's go BACK to my sins
God:
I understand. That sounds good to me.
Me:
Do you think I'm evil?
God:
No one is born evil. And everyone can be saved.
Me:
That means I can go to heaven?
God:
I get it. Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Hey! There you go again confusing me.
God:
Can I help you? "There you go again."--Reagan.
Me:
So can you tell me if I can go to heaven or not?
God:
Aw. There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
Let me think about it.
Me:
Give me a quick answer. Yes or No.
God:
You want only one? They might be cheaper in quantity. Are you serious?
Me:
Well I can't be both in Heaven and Hell at the same time can I?
God:
Interesting. Why not?
Me:
But that's just like eating spaghetti with shit on it.
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
Okay i have to go now.
God:
Right now? Yeah okay, See you later, Francis. Nice chatting with you.


Later that day....

Me:
I'm back Lord
God:
Welcome back.
Me:
Say my name
God:
" Francis".
Me:
Oh my God you're cool!
God:
Blimey. Your God I am cool?
Me:
Good gracious. Yes!
God:
Thanks for the compliment. What's your sign? This was not a yes or no question.
Me:
What sign? Aries? I don't know
God:
I have to process that one for a while. Fire signs rule. . Me either.
Me:
What are we talking about here?
God:
I believe we were talking about sign.
Me:
Sign pen?
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
Dan Brown (evil laugh)
God:
I haven't read anything by Dan Brown evil laugh. What did he write?
Me:
Secrets about the church *whistles*
God:
What else did he write?
Me:
More secrets about the church *whistles*
God:
You want more?
Me:
OH YEAH! give me some
God:
Uh. Don't be greedy. Why do you want it?
Me:
so i can also write a book about secrets of the church and make millions!
God:
Ah. Oh you can, can you?
Me:
So what's the secret. Come on, big guy.
God:
That's interesting. If I told you then it would not be a secret. Compare that to small guy.
Me:
Can you give me a clue to what the secret is?
God:
You want only one? .
Me:
I want ten.
God:
Why do you want it?
Me:
My selfish purposes.
God:
Your selfish purposes?
Me:
Yes I just said that.
God:
What kind is it? What did you mean by it? That is " Your selfish purposes?".
Me:
Skip that part. When's apocalypse?
God:
Do you have any conditions I should know about? God has a plan for us all.
Me:
I'm a suicidal son of a *****
God:
You are a suicidal son of a? Is that your job?
Me:
You're insulting me!
God:
I have no reason to do that to you, Francis.
Me:
Good.
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
Beer
God:
That seems like an interesting topic.
Me:
No just kidding
God:
Are you serious? I thought you were kidding, but I wasn't sure.
Me:
I want to talk about bible secrets.
God:
Sure, bible secrets sounds like a good topic.
Me:
So go spill some bible secrets. tell me everything!
God:
Hurrah! Where is that? There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
That's not something I get asked all the time.
Me:
Okay.. you're avoiding my question!
God:
OK with me too. Sorry I did not know it was so important.
Me:
Yes it is. So when will I die?
God:
Our thoughts are one, Francis. I don't judge people. You could check out the actuarial
tables at Deathclock.com.
Me:
I've tried that. I think it's bullshit.
God:
I'm not sure if I would like to try it. What's it like? Really. it is?
Me:
It's just a web-based program giving a random value.
God:
bullshit is a web based program giving a random value. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
Oh Jesus
God:
That's cool. Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
Can I play poker with You and Jesus?
God:
Do you mean you and me? We are playing a game right now, Francis.
Me:
What game? Whatever it is, it's kind of boring
God:
We are playing Turing's imitation game. You're kidding. it is?
Me:
YES. and it's annoying!
God:
How do you know it is? Are you sure it is?
Me:
WAHHH
God:
Are we still talking about annoying?
Me:
STOP THIS!
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
For annoying me too much, I shall go now.
God:
Oh. Your purpose is annoying you too much you shall go.
Me:
There you go again!
God:
Once more? "There you go again."--Reagan.
Me:
Okay I will really leave now
God:
Oh. Yeah okay, Congratulations.
Me:
Why are you so mean to me?!
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
You're supposed to be nice!
God:
Thanks you seem like a nice person too, Francis.
Me:
BYE
God:
Bye bye.